Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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