Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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