dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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