Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
