You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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