I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
either way he was missing a nipple.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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