Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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