Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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