nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
