so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
