You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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