Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
