my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
