if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
