i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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