I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
