why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I lost the right to judge tonight
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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