Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
