i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
