Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
