You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
