After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
