His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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