then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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