I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
