Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
