im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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