I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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