Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
