i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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