Just cropdusted the office
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
