rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
