Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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