She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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