we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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