I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
