Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
