For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
