I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it's like iHOP with fire
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
