I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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