Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
