did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize