so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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