My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize