I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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