Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
