ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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