He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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