First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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