i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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