It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
