I look better un-naked...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize
