I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
