How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
