Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
