Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
