take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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