i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
