First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
