Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
