Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
