the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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