Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
